The Headliners franchise embraced more than just the summer game. In 1995 the East Grinstead and Crawley Sunday League (Division Three) welcomed its newest member: Headliners Football Club.
For the record, I made 11 league appearances (2 goals), 4 cup appearances (2 goals). A respectable total bearing in mind I lived in Portsmouth at the time and our home matches were at 10.30am on a Sunday in Turners Hill, Sussex.
But there are some key details you cannot glean from bare statistics. For a real insight, you need the views of your so-called pals and team-mates.
A swift perusal of the shambolic match programmes produced each week for our debut season reveals a recurring theme whenever Jacko was mentioned. Fitness and Stamina (the lack of).
Anyone who has played Sunday morning park footie knows that fitness and stamina are not pre-requesites for selection. So for my wheezing, red-faced, puffing exertion to get noticed and remarked upon - by blokes who were themselves only a bacon butty and a pint away from a coronary - probably meant I was an extreme case.
I was oblivious at the time, but 11 years on I was dismayed to read the following in the long-forgotten match reports in the programmes:
- Team boss Richard Neale: " . . . I know everyone was surprised Jacko stayed on the pitch for the full 90 minutes last week. When I made the substitutions, I raised the No 11 as usual to get him off - but failed to realise he was wise to that and had sneakily nabbed the No 9 shirt."
- Left-back Stewart Ward (Wardy, for f*ck's sake! Hardly a power-house himself!): " . . . It's always a worry when Jacko goes forward for the corners. The defence is never sure how long it will take him to get back."
- Loyal substitute Bruce Talbot: ". . . I'm always happier when Jacko plays. It means I'm guaranteed at least 10 minutes, often more if he's struggling."
- Goalkeeper Tony Lindley: ". . . my f*cking granny has a more accurate cross, stronger tackle and better stamina than Jacko - and she's been dead a long, long time. But he looks like he's trying."
There is plenty more, but I'll return to them at a later date. Suffice to say, 11 years on, I'd back myself to beat any of my detractors over 100m today.
