Headliners CC v The Sun

HISTORY is littered with examples of conflicts in which divided loyalties have destroyed friendships, pitted brother against brother - and father against our kid.

There are the biggies such as the English and American civil wars. Then come regional spats like the troubles in Northern Ireland and the Merseyside or Old Firm derbies. Some way down the line are the grudge matches - although no less serious to those involved - such as between those who crack the Big End of an egg and them what crack the Little End.

But a war is looming which even has the Four Horsemen of the Apocalypse knock-kneed with fear and ready to turn tail and bolt for the trees - like Baggie at the first sight of a cover drive heading his way.

Orcs and Nazgul don't fancy it. Elvish archers suddenly realise they've left the iron on and Sauron has shut the gates of Mordor on the pretence he doesn't want to be disturbed while "Gondor's Got Talent" is on the telly.

Battle lines are being drawn - in crayon - as The Sun and Headliners CC are poised for a cataclysmic encounter at the sinister and deadly-sounding St James's Montefiore Cricket Club, near Ditchling, Sussex.

The Liners and The Currant Bun used to live in peaceful coexistence. There was frequent cross-over of talent (well, players anyway) and frivolous badinage between respected (well, tolerated anyway) rivals.

Until it was foolishly mooted that these white-flannelled gladiators should play each other. Thighs were slapped and guffaws guffed at the splendidness of the idea.

But it has turned sour. The frivolity has turned frosty. The respect has turned to contempt.

The Sun's warm-up match - a resounding victory against the Sunday Times - was notable for the tension within the team as the few Liners in the line-up were watched and analysed more closely than the opposition.

Boxing clever, KJ allowed himself to be tonked for 60 runs off just eight overs so as not to alert his temporary team-mates to the true venom he could muster. Unfortunately, Statto wasn't so sharp and got carried away - all the way to 56 - after getting excited at hitting a career-first four in front of the wicket.

But the Scoggins had the same idea for The Bun. Having given it all the chat all season about his 874 average, he holed out on 25 leaving us hopeful, yet still worried. Bastard.

And Baggie bowled four overs of multi-hop jank. Clever, thought I. Turns out he had poured his very soul into every ball. Chin up, the Liners shall make hay.

The storm clouds are gathering. The waiting is tense. It's T-Day all over again. Watch this space . . .