"Sorry to hear about your loss - I read a bit of your web thing," offered the venerable Doug. "Very sad. What was it again - your cat?"
"Very kind of you, Dougie - but it was my niece."
"Really? I didn't read all of it. I think I'll get padded up."
And so Headliners CC bade farewell to the balmy winter and it was down to the serious business of nets in preparation for the 2007 campaign.
Still a little put out, but finding it hard not to laugh out loud at the continual air of absurdity that surrounds this club - I picked up the pill for the first time since last September and measured out a seven-pace run up.
Fitzy stood at the crease - and despite a long step across the off stump and full-length stretch of the bat - he was still a good foot away from my Harmison-like loosener which fizzed pathetically into the side netting.
After five or six balls of varying prowess, I switched to left-arm over the wicket in the desperate hope of better luck. And - knock me daahn wiv a fevver - I found it!
With a few wayward exceptions, KJ was pinging the ball in on a good length with a bit of movement and Fitz, BT and Doug were all on the defensive.
One ball, had it been in a match, would have had the scorer marking the first downward stroke of his 'w' as soon as he saw it leave my hand. That's certainly how i felt about it. So you can imagine my disbelief and dismay when a clearly flummoxed BT somehow toe-ended the ball away for perhaps a streaky brace. No justice.
With bat in hand, I felt good too. Especially as the bowling on offer was distinctly low-grade stuff. Yet BT once again proved my undoing.
I took a look at one shabby lob and decided that I could cart it back over his head once it reached me on the second bounce. Sadly, I felt the swish of willow without any resistance of leather - and heard the terrible death-rattle of my flattened plastic furniture. My distress was compounded by witnessing the oaf's delighted gloating.
Roll on winter and the end of this sporting charade!
